Do we avoid "via" like the plague or just use any random size via and just pray that it works OR, just use any random via size we like and put GND stitching via somewhere nearby, maybe 1mm or 2mm away.
no reason what so ever to avoid via's, people are way over stressing lately on what the "experts"all say.. in a perfect world yes but we do not live in a perfect world.
but your comment on "random size" and "somewhere nearby" is also crap to be honest... it defenitly needs a structure.. keep the distance of sitching via's the same everywhere, also try and play with how your design will look.. install Saturn PCB tool its free and poke around with values.. this way you will get a better understanding of what you are doing.
comments like "lets assume this or that" is not realisitc.. if you want answers you need to be very specific.. otherwise you will get "rule of thumb" remarks like
"in general i always add a minimum of 2 GND via's next to a layerschange of any signal of significant speed.. "
simulation is not a thing within altium as far as SI and High speed is concerned..
hyperlynx and such is expensive yes, but doing several protypes before it works also..
it all depends on what you are designing and if it really needs a simulation.. like <80% of design you do not need a simulation to see if it will work..